After the tragic passing of Ricky Hatton, I had a quick look through some social media responses. As has become the norm these days, the threads were full from no doubt well meaning people of "Men, Just tell someone!" messages. One bloke even put it in shouty capital letters and added FFS! at the end, I guess he felt that emphasized his point about just how serious he was.
There's no question at all that these responses represent a huge step forward from the "Oh Man up FFS!" advice that people used to dish out, but in all honesty they aren't massively more useful. In this case for example Ricky HAD told someone. His mental health issues were well documented and hardly a secret from anybody. No doubt people will dish out the same "Tell someone!" advice when the slow-motion tragedy of Paul Gascoigne's life comes to its inevitable conclusion. Unfortunately KNOWING about an illness and talking about it isn't a guarantee in itself of any recovery. I'm not saying talking isn't a good idea (it is) but there's no silver bullets in this scenario.
And if you are the sufferer DOES decide to talk, who do you tell? The next door neighbour while he's washing his car? Your mates down the pub? And what do you tell them? "I'm feeling a bit depressed/lower than a Dacshunds ball bag"? "I think I'm gonna kill myself"? Sheesh as humans we can't even tell the waiter that the food is shite never mind tell one of our mates about the inner workings of our heads. No, there's not a lot of chance of many men unburdening themselves in real life. Even if you did, good luck telling "Dave from the darts team" when he enquires about your slightly melted face that you stuck your head in the gas oven last night only to discover it is electric.
No, "Tell someone", while obviously being well meaning as far as pat on the head advice goes, ain't gonna solve it every time.
Personally I think what MIGHT actually help is a government funded advertising campaign, written by people who actually know what they are talking about. People with proper experience could list some mental health basics, stuff to watch out for. That way, at least sufferers would have SOME chance of keeping their problems in perspective.
I'm talking bullet points, stuff like:
1. If you feel terrible today, you WON'T feel great tomorrow. If though you take the right steps, by tomorrow you might feel one or two percent better. Recovery takes a bit of time.
2. Don't waste time thinking "I just can't work out what I'm depressed about". Almost always it isn't a tangible thing. You could be a billionaire and married to Miss World, you can still have mental health issues (the illness doesn't respect things like that).
3. You can't cure it forever. If you get the flu then get better you can easily catch the flu next year. Mental health is the same.
4. It isn't your fault if you caught the flu. It isn't your fault if you are a bit depressed either.
5. Most people have triggers. Once you know what they are, do your best to avoid them. For me it's Zoom meetings and people that talk bollocks, you'll have your own.
6. It DOES clear in the end. Just like when you set the smoke alarms off when cooking a bacon sarnie & the Jehovas Witnesses come to the door, it WILL clear once you let the air in. It takes a bit longer though than in this example.
7. Some things are quite good at speeding up that "Let's get better" process. For me it's walking the dog and avoiding my triggers. Once again I'm afraid you have to find your own, but they ARE there.
THE most important one of all though is the fact that it's not your fault. One last thing, regardless of what Dave from the darts team tells you, if you "Man the fuck up" it isn't really going to make any difference.
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