My review-"The power of the dog" film.

I'm no film buff, by no means one of those oiks who can recite passages from Pulp Fiction, or who claim to have "really liked" Million Dollar Baby. I do like a good movie though, the best ones are like signposts to your life. We can all remember the first time we saw The Godfather, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Midnight Cowboy and the like.

Over the years I've watched less films, time becomes more difficult to set aside as the kids get older. I do like to keep up though. To that end, the Oscars have become for me the little fella with the glasses (normally called "Pete") in Blockbusters who would steer you in the direction of a "must watch". Whether it was About Last Night or The Usual Suspects, Pete rarely got it wrong. Neither do the Oscars usually (obvious exceptions like choosing Forrest Gump over Shawshank as "best film" aside), so I kind of depend on "the academy" to give me a steer. When a movie is obviously going to win loads of awards, I actively seek it out.

So, "The Power Of The Dog", tipped to win everything on offer aside from animation (possibly). 

The perceptive amongst you will have realised I've written lots of words without actually talking about the film. There's a reason for that, it's shite. It starts off really slow, slows down a bit in the middle, then grinds to a halt before the credits.

I've read some people saying that it "makes you think", (these are normally the same kinds who wax lyrical about the "cinematography"). In a sense they're right, it certainly caused me to think alright. I thought about all the things I COULD have done with the two hours I spent watching it. I thought of hundreds of things, and with the possible exception of ramming wasps up my arse, ALL of them would have been more enjoyable.

Seriously, watch it if you must (and you probably "must" if you like films and want to keep up), but save me the lectures about cinematography and "mood".

The king is in his all together here. Let's not pretend or kid each other, let's just call this film for what it is, bollocks.

My Labour party conference speech.

Too often when I've listened (particularly) to Jeremy Corbyn, then to Keir Starmer & the other potential Labour leaders, I think they get the tone of their speeches all wrong. They flip flop around too much, trying to sound both business friendly and socialist, patriotic & republican. There are contradictions everywhere, anyway this is the speech I'd make if I was one of them.....

"For too long in our party, too long in our country, we've become bogged down in labels. We're stuck in politics bubble speak in which the vast majority of the public aren't interested. 

Our politics have become locked into a binary yes or no questionaire which bares no resemblance or relevance to peoples real lives. If we aren't a Brexiter, we must therefore by definition be a remainer. If we aren't left wing, then as sure as night follows day we must surely be right wing. To the folks who lose their jobs and can't find another, those who have a parent waiting years for an urgent operation or whose kids go to a crumbling state school, labels and catchphrases don't matter. For those people, yes/no tick box questionaires are irrelevant. They simply want someone in charge of the country who cares, properly cares, and tries their best to make stuff better.

And people out there in the four corners of our great land aren't stupid either. Categorizeing those who voted for Brexit as fools is as wrong as it is insulting. Similarly, those who call for more state intervention, more real and tangible support for the less well off aren't day-dreamers, any more than they are rabid communists.

It's time for a new politics, one where we respect not just each other, but each other's opinion and right to have one too. It's high time we respected each other's right to live in peace and harmony, each other's right to be able to live both young and old with dignity and honour.

For example respecting someone's right to start a business, to run it effectively and be given a chance by the tax system is not raving right wing nonsense. We need people to be successful, and when they are it's only right that they can become prosperous based on their efforts. That's how our society works, entrepreneurial people getting on, making business work, providing employment. It's not right-wing nor left-wing, it's common sense.

Similarly, saying it's not fair to sack workers then offer them re-employment on a palpably worse contract isn't left-wingism, it's common sensism. It isn't right, it isn't fair and it should be against the law. 

Saying that we must respect the outcome of the Brexit referendum doesn't make us raving Brexiteers, it makes us democrats. The people voted for it, now it's up to the politicians to make it work to the very best of their ability. No "isms" except common senseism, politicians are paid to do a job, it's about time they got on with it.

On that "making it work" idea, the people who voted for Brexit didn't do it so our fishermen wouldn't be able to sell shellfish into Europe. They didn't do it so our farmers would have to leave crops to rot in fields, so our exporters would see their access to their nearest market decimated. Nor did they vote Brexit in order to rip up the Good Friday agreement and see tensions bubble over in Northern Ireland. It doesn't have to be like that, it can be so much better. Clearly we need to extend a hand of friendship across the channel, to work better with our friends in Europe. This isn't remainerism any more than it's rejoinerism, it's common senseism. It's time we said so, there has been too much brinkmanship, too much showboating, too much silliness for way too long.

The time has come for a serious government, maybe even slightly boring government. That's OK though, if being trustworthy, telling the truth, having  departments which actually function properly isn't very entertaining, it's something the country will live with.

It's time for those that are well suited to a career in after dinner speaking or appearing as a panelist on a game show answered their calling in life. The country needs a rebuild, a new trust between the voters and those in the corridors of power is long overdue.

It's time for a bit of common senseism, it's time for Labour".

There, hope you like it.

Wingstop, why stop?

Wingstop is owned by a rapper according to my daughter. She did tell me his name (obviously I can't remember it), but if he's half as good at rapping as he is at cooking chicken, he's at least as good as PM Dawn (Google it if you're young).

Wingstop is like KFC's bigger, harder older brother, the one who went to borstal and wears gang colours in the library. The music is deafening (brilliant too, if you like the old garage tunes "I'll bring you flowers, in the pouring ray-ay-ain" etc you'll love it), while when these guys say "hot", they mean HOT!!!!! They aren't messing around here, this is an in your face eating experience, not for the faint hearted.

We went to the one in Bristol. Having negotiated the queue, we were met by the ubiquitous "have you been here before?" greeter. He explained at some length how you order, what a chicken is, the fact that you can top your drinks up and other stuff (I didn't really listen to be honest). He didn't tell us THE most important thing of all though, so I'll tell you it here. It is this, IN THIS EATERY, HOT MEANS REALLY, REALLY HOT. There's a range of sauces for your chicken (wings or tenders) and they're arranged on a thermometer kind of visual, obviously hottest towards the top. I ordered the second from the top, habanero arse blisterer or something (it wasn't actually, literally called that obviously, don't ask for it) so I suppose I WAS warned. That said, I like a chicken madras, an occasional vindalu even, and this was seriously searingly hot in comparison even to those. Sarah had a "Louisiana rub" or "Lemon and thyme and stuff" or something, in the bottom third of heat and EVEN THAT was hot. You've been warned.

Anyway, the chicken is great. The chips are fab (I had the lemon pepper ones which were best), and you can refill your coke if the machine is working (there was a problem when we were there). They even sell beer (Camden).

I think this is good fast food. I must confess I'm a bit of a KFC fan but I like Wingstop a lot. I'm not sure as a 55 year old bloke that I'd go in on my own, but I wouldn't exactly protest the next time the kids suggest we go.

It's good, try it. Please though, remember the heat.

Caper & Cure Bristol. What a delight.

Why bother with Trip Advisor if you have a viable alternative? If we know someone who lives in a strange area (strange to us that is) we'll always ask for a little recommendation. So it was this time, we were visiting our son at uni and an ex Alex superstar Becca steered us towards this little restaurant/cafe/coffee shop gaff in Stokes Croft, central Bristol, "it's a MUST visit she said", and how right she was. It was booked out, they squeezed us in after we grovelled a bit for a 9pm Friday night table.

It's independently owned, all  industrial metal air con, light bulbs hanging on wires from the ceiling, wall hangings which look like the fella who stunk of weed on the street outside banged them up in about twenty minutes, chalk boards with stuff crossed off, wooden floors with uneven bits, that sort of palaver. On the stereo there's "the times they are a changing" by Dylan banging out, your waiter and co owner is called Myles (or it might be Giles come to think of it), top lad either way who clearly knows his cebollas (I'll save you the Google trouble, it's Spanish for "onions").

The menu is on A4 paper, four starters, four mains, four desserts, it's got a kind of Spanishy/Portuguesy feel. There's another section before the starters, nibbles or light bites or something (it's neither of those but I'm buggered if I can think of it right now). In that bit whatever it's called is stuff like toasted almonds, olives, sourdough with butter etc. The almonds are labelled as "graciano" or something, the olives "Klubanos" (obviously neither of those are correct, I just made them up as I can't remember). Suffice to say they aren't getting their stock from the "taste the difference" section in Sainsbo's anyway.

We had off that bit a chorizo croquette which was bloody lovely, the bread both with normal butter and "jamon" butter (Myles/Giles did explain, but I did that nod and say "oh lovely" when you don't actually understand what he's on about), some of the olives (the size of a kids table snooker ball), some almonds (superb) and some anchovies (might have been little sardines). All were fabulous, particularly the jamon butter on bread thing, you MUST have that.

For starter I had a carrot & coconut soup which was far nicer than it sounds, I can't remember what everyone else had except Charlie my son who had octopus. Fair play to him.

For main there was a bavette steak with truffle chips. Obviously I didn't take much heed of the other stuff on the menu once I'd read that, although I do fleetingly remember the fish being either fresh cod or whole lemon sole. Milly had a gnochi thing which was lovely if you like that sort of thing, Sarah a pumpkin confit carry on, ditto. 

My steak was absolutely gorgeous, the chips jaw droppingly good. Everyone seemed to really enjoy theirs too and was keen to share bits around. They all tasted lovely in a pumpkinny/gnocchiey kind of way. Me and Charlie just wallowed in the excellence of our steak with ancovy cream (which thankfully didn't taste too much of anchovies).

We had desserts (lemon sorbets, chocolate mousses and stuff), the other three had a bottle of vino, espresso martinis and all that, I had a few pints of a local beer whose name escapes me, it was all absolutely brilliant and came in at under two hundred sovs.

The service, the food, the wall hangings, everything in this little gem of a spot is absolutely top drawer, we utterly loved it. Apparently it's owned in combination by the "iles" fella and the chef, they're mates. If anyone deserves success, it's these people.

If you DO ever go to Bristol, go to Caper & Cure. It's bloody brilliant.

Brasserie Zedel-An absolute treasure.

Where would you advise someone to go in London if your life depended upon them being impressed? I suppose it depends what they're looking for, where they are from etc. 

If for instance they were in London for only a few days, staying centrally and wanted to experience a real pub, I'd say the Guinea on Bruton Place all day long. Superb pub, great beer, top landlord, fantastic food. You absolutely can't go wrong recommending the Guinea, and similarly Brasserie Zedel in Piccadilly never fails to wow.

It has an unremarkable looking cafe thing upstairs (looks a bit like a jazzed up "Cafe Rouge") but that's not it. It's DOWNstairs where the fun starts, all art deco and mirrored poshness. Once you bypass the cloakroom & hit the restaurant, the whole thing opens out into a cavernous throwback to restaurants of old, all starched tablecloths and waiters who are far more smartly dressed than you are.

The menu is about the size of a Subbuteo pitch and all in French. Don't be intimidated, it's cleverly designed and actually not as big as it looks. There is an English version available but don't ask for it, trust your O level grade C which Mrs Jackson coached you to and Google translate, you'll work it out.

They'll bring crusty baguette and salty butter while you're looking at the menu and playing "let's all guess how many people work here". If you've ever tasted better bread and butter you're more travelled than me, it's sensational. If you can, don't eat too much of it though or you won't want dessert.

I've been loads of times over the years and can honestly say everything is pretty fab really. Last night, ninety minutes earlier I'd eaten an "American Hot" pizza at the Comedy Store before going (pretty good it was too), and drank four pints of beer. Given that, I swerved the steak (rib-eye, it's lovely) for the first time here in ages. Somewhat bizarrely (it caused consternation on our table anyway) I had a herby omelette with fries and some salad. The fries here are always sensational, the omelette & salad were too. One of our table had a venison thing which they seemed to really enjoy, Sarah had ravioli (sorry, can't remember the filling) and for the life of me I can't remember what the other lass had. 

For desserts we had poached pears, some chocolate mousse and a couple of floating island mirangue thingies. Having tried them all, everything was lush but I'd go for the island one.

Look, it's a fantastic restaurant this. Not pricey either, we had a bottle of Picpul or pitbull or whatever it's called, some coffee and one had a cheeky cocktail. It was £145 all in including service. They do a prix fix menu (set, who am I kidding?) which there's nowt wrong with and is about twenty quid. Equally, if you want to watch someone in an evening dress singing jazz standards and telling you stories about New York in the sixties (invariably accompanied by a balding fella on the piano called Gordon) you can visit the "Crazy Cocks" bit next to the restaurant bit downstairs. It's flippin good actually, and about twenty five quid for a bloody good night out that's something completely different.

The toilets are great too. Zedel is a triumph, go.

Chez Bruce.

Whenever we go to awards nights, Chez Bruce wins stuff. If it's not "best local restaurant" it's "best food" or "nicest table cloths" or something, so I was dead excited to go for the first time last night. It was me and Sarahs (don't cringe, I know that's not grammatically correct but it's how I talk) 26th anniversary. Forget Pen Whistle or whatever that bloke who brought the dogs back from Afghanistan is called, this lady deserves a medal.

Anyway, you've got to book. It's all very efficient on your phone, you tick a couple of boxes including the "cancellation policy" one, stick your credit card in and bingo. The cancellation policy probably says they'll charge you twenty quid or something if you don't show up. It should be two hundred quid, and as I would never do that I didn't read it. There was only one table left (8.45) so I nabbed it.

The food and service was superb. Before anything arrived they brought out these parmesan biscuit things. I ate those in about thirty seconds so they brought some more with bread (ditto, although Sarah did get a taste this time).

I had a pigs head croquette thingie to start which was lovely. Sarah had a tuna ceviche with super hot chilli's which was great. 

For main, anyone who had bet their house on me ordering the chateaubriand is now sleeping under Waterloo bridge, I went for the cod. I can only apologize for the loss of your humble abode, I pretty much always go for steak but just fancied a change. The cod had this pink stuff on the outside (I've never been an avid reader of menus when I go out) which made it taste like lobster claws. It was sensational, I had the slightly embarrassing situation of finishing it completely before Sarah had hardly started. She had the pigs cheek dish, it was delicious (I stole a fair bit of it).

They do say when gambling that you should never chase your losses, and so it proved as for the first time in history I swerved the chocolatey dessert option and went for a buttermilk thing instead. It was so sharp it made you pull faces, I absolutely loved it. I can't for the life of me remember what Sarah had, sorry for that but if you want technical food reviews go for Jay Rayner or Faye Mashler, not a bloke who runs the Alex.

We'd mentioned in conversation to our server that it had been our anniversary the previous day (couldn't go out then, I was doing the quiz) and she brought out a "happy anniversary treat'. It was a coffee fudge and a pistaccio nibble thingie on a plate.which had "happy anniversary" piped on in chocolate sauce. The person who wrote it has neater writing with a piping bag than I do with a biro.

We had a lovely bottle of NZ wine (don't ask me I can't remember), Sarah had a dessert wine (ditto, and not me I don't like it). The bill was £205 including service, worth every sheckle. My one criticism is that I'd lose the masks on the servers. That said, I'm speaking as someone who has been breathed on by about 200,000 people in the last year so it might be just me.

Chez Bruce is a great place, go. We absolutely loved it.

The Blue Junction-Indian in Morden.

The first thing you notice about the Blue Junction is that it doesn't look like an Indian restaurant at all, it looks nothing like you're expecting (although if you've read this first it obviously might not be true). It's down the side of the civic centre in Morden, (in the same building in fact) and it looks from the outside more like a cafe or a bar, or one of those places which sell cakes which always get you wondering how they manage to stay open. There's floor to ceiling glass windows without any curtains, and a glass lobby to keep the cold out. There's TV screens showing the football too, and blokes sitting at the bar who look like bus drivers, they look like they're just having a beer as opposed to waiting on some onion bhaaji's. They even have a decent selection of normal beers on tap, Bud lite (why do they spell it like that?), Guinness and a few others, so my guess is if you just want to go in and "just" have a beer, it's absolutely cool. 

The front tables nearest the bar (circular) aren't set up with cutlery or anything (none of it is if I'm remembering right) and as far as the two girls serving drinks and bringing food out are concerned, the nearest they've been to the Taj Mahal is the Indian restaurant in Thornton Heath. In short, the Blue Junction is a different type of Indian restaurant to what we're used to. There's no guys with the old tux on polishing your plate before they put it down, there's none of those little metal heater stands they plonk your little circular metal dishes on (which curiously aren't even hot usually), none of that birdseed stuff that gets stuck in between your teeth when you try some. It's different, kind of half bar half food, and the laid back nature of it takes a bit of getting used to.

Lots have got used to it though, I'd been recommended to go there over a dozen times in the last couple of months. Some of the Indian guys who use the Alex go there regularly and absolutely swear by it, refusing to countenance going anywhere else. On the night we went it was pretty busy (with mostly Indian people) for an in between Christmas and New Year night, and the football was no crowd puller (Crystal Palace against somebody I can't remember).

So the food. We had onion bhaaji's which were the authentic, "not rolled up into balls" type. A plateful of sliced onions in whatever they put on them to make them taste like onion bhaaji's (I'm not going to pretend I know). They were superb, the veggie samosas were great too, while the lamb chops were really tasty. Quick word of warning here, the place might not look like an Indian but the food is pretty authentic, that is to say IT IS HOT. When they say "mild" it means "lively" in English. "Medium" means pretty bloody hot actually in yours and my language, while "Hot" means this is going to have you sweating through your eyelids. As such, even the starters have a bit of a kick to them, yes even the bhaaji's and samosas.

For mains my son had chicken tikka massala (I was surprised they do it but they do) while Sarah had chicken with lentils (I guess we'd call it Dhansak bu they called it something else). I can't remember what mine was called to be honest, but it said it was "Hot" on the menu and they weren't lying. When I say hot though, you can still taste the food. It is beautifully flavoursome, and every single item we ordered was absolutely first class. the rice, the naan etc were also brilliant, and the cucumber raiita was by far the best I've ever tasted. The manager bloke told me the chef is one of the top Indian chefs in the country and has worked with this owner for many years, and that they grind their own spices and all that jazz. I guess they all say that, but from my perspective (and I do like curries) I think it was the best Indian food I've eaten in a very long time, perhaps even ever.

I don't do marks out of ten, but if I did it'd be a ten. Go to the Blue Junction, it is absolutely superb food.